My older daughter, who is the main reason I became protective of our privacy, has been urging me to give up on the fake blog names. She uses her real name on HER blog, and she wants me to link to her in hopes of attracting more readers. I discussed it with her and her dad, and we decided to go back to doing things the old way, no pseudonyms.

I started a new blog for several reasons. One was that the “Mom of Monkeys” thing was getting old, and there was no way to change my blog address without starting fresh. I also wanted to go back to Homeschooljournal, because I really like the community there. (The main reason I left was because of the whole privacy thing — I thought this venue seemed more anonymous, somehow).

I finally came up with a new blog name and address that I really like — on several levels, even though it makes me cry a little bit. When you see the blurb on the sidebar of my new blog, you’ll see what I mean.

Here I am:

Laughing Stars

I’ll keep this site up, and I’ll probably selectively move some old posts over to the new place, gradually, as I figure out my focus and direction.

Hi all — I appreciate all the supportive comments to my last post about letting go on the playground (and in the home “classroom”) and about staring at this blog and asking myself why? I guess I am taking a blogging break. I really feel adrift right now — I’ve lost my focus here. (Did I ever really have one? )

I’ve been flaky lately. I feel like — on a day to day basis — I have no goals. I’ve sailed away from the “eclectic” port, but I’m not fully on board with unschooling. I wake up in the mornings with a vague feeling of panic. The OLD version of me is still alive and well in my head, and she thinks it’s disgraceful that my 10-year-old can’t write or punctuate yet. I’m a writing teacher, for God’s sake! I’ve read the literature on “right-brained” learners, and intellectually, I COMPLETELY agree with Cindy that age 8-10 is a good time for a RB kiddo like “Martin” to START learning to read and write. But the voices are still there. We’re still struggling with his passionate attachment to video games and other issues. And I totally FORGOT “Marie’s” horseback riding lesson yesterday. You’d think after shelling out $300 for lessons, that kinda might stick in my head. FLAKY!

I guess I’ll be back sometime. Thanks for the comments — I always read them, even if I’m not on the blog (they come to my e-mail account) and even if I don’t reply. Human contact, including the virtual kind, is always good. And I’m still reading your blogs!

Love, “Miranda”

I have been asking myself more and more WHY I’m keeping up this blog. There is not much here, anymore, that anyone would like to read. It seems to have become just a repository for random learning notes — and I’m even questioning why I’m doing that. Do I really need portfolio fodder broken into bite-sized pieces, carefully labeled by academic subject? Why?

I spent the morning cleaning up. It was a glorious day, so I took Martin and Missy out to lunch then, after we picked up Marie, we went to the park. Missy, with her motor and sensory delays, is fearful of slides and climbing. Marie went through the same thing at this age. Back then, we had a phalanx of teachers and professionals telling us she should be able to do this at her age — she should be willing to take this on! — and that we needed to work on this. I can remember BRIBING Marie to go down the “big” slide and learn to ride a 2-wheeler. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now it just makes me cringe.

Not having any teachers and experts to call me on my “negligence,” I’ve just let Missy be. Usually, when we go to the park, she just wants to swing, and that’s fine with me. Today, she finally got tired of swinging, and she wanted me to follow her to the play structure. She walked up the steps slowly and tentatively. Then she went down the smallest slide. When I held up my hands to help her, she gently pushed them away. Then she came down the little slide, grinning and triumphant.

She pondered a couple of the climbing structures, then decided they were too hard and scary. The voices in my head were urging me to prod her to do this — to take this on. I shushed them. Missy decided to go down the slide again.  Then she wanted to try the medium-sized slide, so she glided down, grinning. Finally she decided to try the BIG slide. Wow!

She sat at the top of the slide. She was scared, so I offered to catch her at the bottom. She waited. I waited. Then she slid down, looking astonished. Soon she wanted to try it again.

Before long, she went back to the difficult, scary climbing structure. I said “I’m just going to stand behind you in case you ask me for help.” I waited. She asked for help — she doesn’t really have the upper body strength to pull herself up without my giving her a boost, but she managed it with just a bit of help. Then she conquered another climbing structure. Soon, we left. I was caught in the joy of the moment. I had watched her take it on, and she fully owned the accomplishment. I helped her when she asked, but it was wholly her decision, laced with fear, doubt, astonishment, and elation.

I had ordered two copies of the first of The Life of Fred books at Janell’s recommendation. They arrived today while we were at the park. I gave one to each of the older kids. I told them I am over forcing them to do math, but I wanted them to put these books on their shelves in case they decide to master these skills. I pointed out that if Marie decides to go to college, she’ll need to get through her SATs, and the Life of Fred series could prepare her to do that. I don’t plan to say anything else about it. Such restraint! Maybe they’ll decide to take it on. Or not.

The kids are having a playdate with GamerGirl and YoshiGirl. I bought them a bunch of silly string. (In the Wikipedia article on silly string, there is a section titled Military Uses. Who knew??) They ran around the yard blasting each other with silly string, then they came in for snacks and video game chatter. We’ve got three intense gamers in the room: Matt, Martin and GamerGirl. Whew!

I fear these learning notes (which don’t vary much from day to day) are deathly dull, but my future self may appreciate having them. Jotting down notes about unschooling days, highlighting certain things, and translating them into the language of traditional schooling may provide me with portfolio/evaluation fodder. Fodder is good.

Monday Night

Christina got me hooked on this game. Then Missy got addicted to it too. I wouldn’t think a 5-year-old would be into a geography game, but what would I know? She played it again and again, and seemed to quickly catch on to where some of the states fit on the map. (Visual Memory)

Tuesday

Martin and I played Yu-Gi-Oh and Mythmatical Battles (Number Sense: Comparing Numbers; Computation: Multiplication Facts & Subtraction With “Regrouping” (100s & 1000s) He had his piano lesson and a playdate with ScoutLover. (Music, P.E.)

Marie watched The Fall.

Wednesday

Martin and I played Mille Bornes (Math – Computation). He also worked on his Unschooler’s web page (Writing).

Missy and I played Mille Bornes and Rat-a-Tat-Cat, using base ten blocks to keep track of points. Missy learned to add. I modeled several different ways of computing scores at the end (you have to add the numbers on 4 cards) without directly trying to “teach” her. She grasped it immediately and took off with it.

She and I read The Art Lesson by Tomie de Paola, Strega Nona by Tomie de Paola, and Purple, Green and Yellow by Robert Munsch. In the spirit of the art lesson, we experimented with mixing colors with tempera paints, and we painted some pictures.

Marie was finally well enough to be back at school. She wanted me to read The Odyssey, so we read three chapters. She considered this assignment “torture,” though she liked the part where they offered a graphic description of a bull being sacrificed to the gods — she enjoyed watching me cringe.

She wrote a review of The Fall.

Thursday

Missy and I had a playdate with her buds AstronautGirl, Roo, and Roo’s little brother. I had a great time hanging out with MY friends too. Sometimes, there’s just no substitute for sitting in the kitchen and hanging out with the girls. And while we were out, the guys cleaned house! Do they rock or what??

I’m sure exciting, stimulating things happened in the Monkey House this afternoon. Or not. I missed it. After leaving AstronautGirl’s House, picking up Marie from school, and grocery shopping, I realized I was exhausted. It was like the week had just caught up with me and kicked my arse. So I slept for the rest of the day.

Hubby and I, who have been nurturing a strained marriage, are having a “date” tonight. Hooray!

After homeschooling for about five years, we recently became novice unschoolers. We don’t resemble any unschoolers I’ve ever seen in captivity (even out here on the outer edge of normalcy.) My older daughter attends public school part-time. I reluctantly supported this decision. And of course, as usual, she was wise about knowing what was best for herself. She’s happy with it. Recently a boy in her Ceramics class asked her what she did during the periods she didn’t attend school. She said something like this: “I unschool — I do what I want and basically teach myself.”

My middle child embraces “radical” unschooling, and he’s working with me on my resistance to electronic entertainment. We’re trying to find a balance that fulfills his need for gaming and my need for periods of quiet space in our lives.

My youngest wants me to present her with a curriculum. I’ve found some flexible literature studies and a bit of Montessori, along with plenty of picture books and games, keep her somewhat satiated. Not that she really NEEDS my guidance, her rich imagination and drive to learn keep her busy. But we’re both having fun with it! And I’m getting my chance to get stuff like unit studies, canned activities and notebooking out of my system!

I don’t consider public school, canned activities, notebooks, or curricula to be “anti-unschooling.” I figure they’re just resources like anything else. The sea change, for me, is letting go of my own roadmap and trusting their innate ability to seek out, experience, or ask for what they need. (I used to think Marie wanted to go to school because she distrusted homeschooling and the natural learning process, but I don’t feel that way anymore.)

I like what Joyce Fetteroll wrote here:

So if I pull together a unit study when he shows an interest and lead the learning is this still unschooling?

The short answer would be if the child can say “No thanks, I’d rather go watch TV” and you be perfectly okay with that then it’s unschooling.

The longer answer would be that in an unschooling home where the child and mom are both confident that learning from life is best, some formal bit of learning might be fun. But since you’re unsure that unschooling will work, doing a unit won’t help you or your son feel more confident. It will be dangling your feet in the water and calling it swimming.

As part of my education, I joined the Unschooling Basics Yahoo Group. I stumbled upon this terrific blog: Organic Learning, and I thought this meme looked fun.

Even though this “interview the kids” meme is just for laughs, I had strong reactions to the results. I’ll discuss those at the end.

1. What is something your mom always says to you?
Marie (age 14): Marie that’s really bent; don’t watch that. (She’s referring to disturbing movies.)
Martin (age 10): Time to do your things! (Meaning time to  feed the dogs and get ready for bed.)
Missy (age 5): Don’t play electronics before 3:00.

2. What makes your mom happy?
Marie: When Missy really enjoys “school.”
Martin: Not doing electronics much and not cursing. — I challenged him on this. O.K., I’ll admit to having issues with long hours of video gaming — I’ve been challenging myself on this, and not coming up with any easy answers. But since when have I ever really minded cussing? — Well, that’s something that makes most moms happy, he said.  What about me? Well, don’t think you’d want ME running around saying F–k, would you? Hmm. I suppose not.
Missy: When you get your mom things she doesn’t want to get herself.

3. What makes your mom sad?
Marie: When you read some depressing story in the paper where a kid gets shot, somebody kills themselves, or a kid gets raped.
Martin: When we get upset and we start yelling at you.
Missy: If she can’t exactly cook something that she wants to cook. (See Marie’s answer to #12. *LOL!*)

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Marie: I don’t remember. (Come on! I’m a hilarious gal!)
Martin: I can’t really explain it, but you do make me laugh a lot sometimes … When I make a joke and she alters it a little bit to make it more funny.
Missy: Saying something silly.

5. What did your mom like to do when she was a child? (She was a child? Really? What DID kids do int he stone age, anyway?)
Marie: She liked to read.
Martin: What DID you like to do? You’ve never really talked about your childhood. Maybe sometime we should get out your old scrapbooks and look at them together.
Missy: Probably read.

6. How old is your mom? (My actual age is 29 )
Marie: 42
Martin: 41
Missy: 42

7. How tall is your mom?
Marie — 5′8″ (this is true)
Martin — I think you’re around 5 foot 5 or something … pretty tall … actually I think you’re 5 foot 2.
Missy — probably 5′8″ (I heard Marie say it)

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Marie: Do stuff on the computer.
Martin: I think one of your favorite things to do is to hang out with us and play card games and board games and stuff.
Missy: Work on her papers and read.

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
Marie: Work on the computer
Martin: I’m not really sure … plays with my Hotwheels?
Missy: Work on papers.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Marie: Writing a mystery novel (Well, you read enough of them!)
Martin: Most papers graded in a week — like you graded 100,000 papers in a week — because you’re always on the computer doing papers, so I can see how you’d get a world record. It’s actually tiring even watching you.
Missy: Reading novels.

11. What is your mom really good at?
Marie: She’s really good at reading
Martin: Grading papers. She’s really good at keeping me off too many video games, controlling me when I play video games, and making sure we don’t watch too bad movies. You’re always patrolling us
Missy: Cooking

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Marie: Cooking
Martin: I don’t know
Missy: Reaching clouds. If you wanted to reach a cloud to see what it looked like, you’d have to get a long, long rope to do it.

13. What does your mom do for her job?
Marie: She grades students papers online
Martin: Grade papers
Missy: Work on papers

14. What is your mom’s favorite food?
Marie: She likes Mexican food.
Martin: Stuff like quiche.
Missy: Probably Mexican.

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
Marie: She works really hard, like cleaning the house and grading papers and stuff.
Martin: Instead of making us go into public school, which would have been so much worse than this homeschooling thing, you put all this work into homeschooling, and I really appreciate this. And you’ve hsed us for years
Missy: When she does “school” with me.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Marie: I don’t know.
Martin: I don’t know. I don’t watch that many cartoons
Missy: Scooby Doo (Why? just because.)

17. What do you and your mom do together?
Marie: Read.
Martin: We play lots of board games and card games together, and we listen to an audiobook and draw together.
Missy: We sometimes play games together.

18. How are you and your mom the same?
Marie: We both keep a blog.
Martin: We look pretty similar in facial features; we’re both able to cry more easily than the rest of the family.
Missy: We are not really the same … well … we both kind of have light blue eyes.

19. How are you and your mom different?
Marie: We have different taste in movies.
Martin: You don’t really like the electronic things. You don’t play video games, and you don’t do half the same things I do. Maybe it’s because you’re a grown-up.
Missy: ‘Cause we don’t have the same colored hair

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Marie: She tries to be really, really tolerant even when I act weird. (“Tolerant?” There’s something heartbreaking about that word. It implies that Marie’s differences are something to be endured. Not so, kiddo.)
Martin: I know because you say it all the time to me, and I know you really mean it, and you hug me and everything else. I really know that you love me. I can just tell.
Missy: Because she sometimes kisses me and hugs me

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
Marie: She likes him for his body.
Martin: I know you really love him — I don’t know
Missy: Well, I’m sure she loves him … I don’t know.

22. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
Marie: She wants to go to Italy sometime, but right now she generally goes to the library
Martin: I think you really, really like going to Applebees.
Missy: I don’t know.

The picture of the mom that emerges here — the writing tutor, chief cook and bottle-washer, and electronics Nazi is pretty one-dimensional. This makes me laugh. It seems so reflective of childhood. Often, only when we become adolescents and adults do our parents begin to assume human form. I was lucky that my mom lived long enough for me to get to know her as a person.

At the same time, this makes me sad. Shouldn’t a home schooling mom, above all, be a model of living joyfully, always immersed in experiencing and learning? What happened to the person who had her own passions to pursue? The one who did something besides “patrolling” the kids, working, and cooking bad food. Why does own life seem so anemic?

I like reading about other unschooling moms who are mindful about nurturing their own passions and creativity. Similarly, Charlotte Mason homeschoolers often talk about mother culture.

Charlotte tells us we would have happier households if we mothers “would only have courage to let everything go when life becomes too tense, and just take a day, or a half a day, out in the fields, or with a favorite book, or in a picture gallery. . .” For a mother to allow herself a bit of leisure to rest and refresh herself by exploring her own interests, to find a little time for herself, especially when so many others depend on her, is a what Karen (Andreola) calls, “Mother Culture.”

Do you struggle with this in your journey?

Marie is still really sick, and probably would’ve had to miss school today, so it was fortunate that it snowed! School was canceled, and we settled in to hibernate for the day.

After a period of moping, because I had to cancel the sleepover he had planned tonight, Marty went out to play in the snow. He came in snowy and soaked, claiming he had “frostbite.” Apparently, the poor kid even had snow in the crack of his behind. Don’t ask. I didn’t!

Missy and I played several rounds of Art Memo. She knows the names of many of the famous paintings in the collection. It’s a great visual memory exercise, of course. When Marie had her massive round of neuropsychological testing, they used an almost identical activity to assess her visual memory. The expert-in-residence told me her score was abysmal — in the 1st percentile for her age. Ironically, she’d been playing memory games at home, and doing great, for years. That tells you something about testing, doesn’t it? But I digress.

Art Memo also gives Missy a chance to practice comparing numbers, since we count our matches, at the end of the game, to see who has the most. I sometimes ask, how many more matches do you have than I do? (Number Sense (Comparing Numbers) & Subtraction Concepts)

We played Arctic Animals Concentration (a game I made, same concept as art memo, but with animals who live in an arctic habitat) with Marty. Missy, Martin and I also played Mille Bornes, and he was scorekeeper. (Addition Through Thousands)

Then Missy and I played Rat-a-Tat-Cat. This game involves comparing numbers (number sense), because you’re trying to get the lowest possible cards. It also involves simple addition of up to 4 numbers, but Missy doesn’t know how to do that yet.

This time we kept score. The winner counted the loser’s points (you’re trying to get as close to zero as possible). For example, if Missy won the hand and I had 25 points, she received 25 points for that round. We kept track of points with base ten blocks and cubes. (Introducing Base 10 System & Counting by Tens)

At this point, we’d played all the games Missy’d wanted to play, but she still wasn’t satiated. So we started a new literature study. We read The Art Lesson by Tomie DePaola (a GREAT story for anyone who has ever been disappointed with institutional education) and Purple, Green and Yellow by Robert Munsch (Hat Tip to my friend Andrea). We talked about the concept of disappointment (Tommy was disappointed in the “real” art lessons offered in school).

I pulled out a bunch of new markers that I’d been saving for this occasion. (I got them, around Christmas, from Discount School Supply)

In The Art Lesson, Tommy gets caught scribbling on the sheets, and Brigid, in Purple, Green and Yellow, colors on herself (and her dad). I thought it would be fun for Missy to have the chance to color on things that are normally off-limits.

So I offered her fabric markers and a couple of pillowcases I thought we could part with. All the kids, including the sick teenager and the 42-year-old mama, wanted to give it a try. The fabric markers work really well.

I also offered them window markers. And there was a new set of scented markers, kind of like the ones Brigid had — except ours didn’t come complete with a cow flop scented marker. Well, you can’t have everything, right? Marty really got a kick out of the scented markers.

For some reason, I feel compelled to write on this blog, even when I have nothing to say. When I don’t post, it feels lonely in here. Weird, huh?

Marie has been sick for the past few days. Friday, she stayed home from school and slept late. When she got up, she asked me to make cream of wheat, so I did. She took a hot shower, and we watched The Secret Life of Bees. We’d read the novel right after Christmas. Good movie — Dakota Fanning and Queen Latifah were terrific, and I liked Paul Bettany as T. Ray — he was a convincing mean redneck. I liked all the actors, though I thought Rosaleen was badly miscast. Jennifer Hudson seems like a fine actress, but she was just NOT Rosaleen. She needed to be a lot heavier and older and much feistier! It took me a while just to get past the fact that she didn’t look at all like Rosaleen, and that character’s strong personality never came through.

Marie and I chatted briefly about the movie and compared it to the book. I see that she reviewed it on her blog after I went to bed last night. We ordered pizza and the whole family watched some of The Sarah Conner Chronicles. As sci-fi goes, it will never compete with Firefly in our hearts, but still good.

In Marie’s 9th grade English class last week, they took a standardized test to nail down each student’s reading level. Marie asked to see her score, and she told me it was around 12.8 or 12.9 (12th grade, 8th or 9th month). This unschooling mama, who professes not to give a rat’s patootie about standardized tests, was quite happy. For one thing, it confirmed what I’d said, and I love being right. It’s also comforting to know all our struggling and floundering over the past 5 years hasn’t done any harm to her reading skills.

Shortly after we started homeschooling, in 2003, Marie developed a developmental vision problem. Her ability to read independently crashed. We took her to a specialist in Charlottesville, who told us that with DIY vision therapy at home, with her guidance, the problem would probably be corrected in six months. It’s been about 5 years, and she is still struggling with it. On top of this, Marie has a diagnosis that tends to interfere with the development of reading comprehension skills.

We’ve just muddled along, with me reading to her rather than her reading on her own. We spent a LOT of time reading aloud. At one point, I noticed she was following the words as I read. She’d correct me if I missed something. For some reason, she was able to track text IF she had auditory input. So I gave her a CD player and suggested that she try reading a novel while listening to the audiobook. This seemed to work. I’d never heard of anything like that, but I have since heard of LD specialists recommending the print/audiobook combo to special needs students.

I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir, because no one but a homeschooler would conceivably have any interest in my blog. It’s not colorful or funny enough to appeal to a mainstream audience. But I think it needs to be said. There is definitely a place for seeking professional advice, and special ed. services need to be made freely available. BUT … the line parents often get from professionals, that a child with special needs is better off in the hands of the “experts” than being taught at home, is a bunch of merde. Learning at home provides individual attention and an environment that is intuitively adaptive to a kid’s needs. This is the holy grail of individualized learning that the best IEPs TRY to grasp for.

I am still struggling with the fact that Marie isn’t doing any math. None. I reminded myself of what commenters said, that there is nothing magical about being finished with high school requirements and eligible to be admitted to university at age 18. I forced myself to re-read this article: Just Do the Math by David Albert — which illustrates the fact that it doesn’t REALLY take many years to master fundamental math skills, if the student is sufficiently motivated.

Still, I remind myself, this is a student who’s been diagnosed with NLD. She’s not only avoiding math because her passions lie elsewhere at the moment. She’s avoiding it because it’s hard for her. Am I negligent in letting her do that? Is this going to hinder her development? Am I an idiot? Is there ANY chance in hell that I could get Marie to learn anything she doesn’t want to anyway?

For someone who had nothing to say, I’ve managed to fill a lot of space. In general, everything is as usual. Natural learning is happening. Games are being played, conversations are being had, and stories are being read. One of the kids’ current favorite games is Rat-a-Tat-Cat (Thanks, Piseco Mom!). Marty invented a variation called Cat-a-tat-Rat. It’s the opposite — instead of trying to get low numbers, you try to get high numbers. Trust this lot not to do things by the book.

I agree with Adesa of 2 Homeboys fame, when she says that being really connected with kids, through activities that matter to them, creates fertile ground for learning:

The best part of it all, though, is that this game is something we do together. We connect through playing it. And that connection is where learning happens best, regardless of the source. Being involved in my child’s play gives us opportunities for learning and discussion that no amount of books (text-, work-, or otherwise) possibly could in this house. Games are where my kids’ interests lie, so being involved in those games is where I go to help them learn.

This reminds me a bit The Book of Learning and Forgetting by Frank Smith. In his book on education, which has become beloved by many unschoolers, he argues that people learn simply and effortlessly through their connections to others. When we enter into our kids’ interests, those connected moments happen naturally. I’ve had a wealth of interesting conversations with Marie by meeting her on her turf — watching and talking about movies.

With Marty is trickier, because his interests are more far removed from mine. I guess he met me halfway by falling madly in love with a novel, Wolf Brother by Michelle Paver, and deciding to share it with me.

Today he told me he wishes we could play YuGiOh! together every day. O.K. (deep breath) I think I can do that. He asked why I dislike the game. I said (and this is partly true) that the rules are too complicated for me to understand. You might think that a game that is mastered by agile-minded six-year-olds would not be beyond the ken of a reasonably astute college-educated adult. Hah!

Marty decided to write a simplified rule book for me. Oh — expository writing. My heart started to patter. He took great care putting his book together and decorating it. He started writing it, slowly, soliciting a lot of help with spelling. He created several pages. Then, frustrated with how difficult it was, he tossed it aside. I encouraged him to finish it — alas, no luck.

Yesterday, Marty had P.E. and played with PenguinLover for a while. While he was in P.E., Marie and I walked the track at the gym. We were talking about — what else? — movies and movie reviews. She was talking about a movie she saw, Welcome to the Dollhouse, which sounds rather grim, and its director, Todd Solondz. Many film critics think he’s brilliant. Others dislike his dark view of human nature. According to reviewer A.O. Scott,  “he has no artistic interest beyond the limitless ugliness of humanity.”

Marie said, “The message he seemed to be trying to push is that no one is innocent.”

Hmmm …

I thought about our study of what was dubbed “naturalism” in British Literature in the A.P. English course I took in high school. This included Lord of the Flies and Heart of Darkness, two novels that seem to be regarded by literature teachers with something approaching lust.

I told Marie I disliked the view of human nature in Lord of the Flies. I think the best and worst of human nature go together. For example, on 9/11, we saw brutal acts of violence. We also saw extraordinary acts of courage and generosity. Many “regular” people risked their lives to rescue total strangers. When we see the extreme ugliness of human nature, we also see the extraordinary goodness. They go together, so why focus only on the negative side of that equation?

We also had a family game night, and she wrote a review of The Tic Code on her blog.

Today, she got a progress report from school. Above average grades. The only real concern is — surprise! — organization. That old “executive functioning” bugaboo. She had several “F”s for homework assignments she hadn’t turned in to her English teacher. (The scary part was she seemed to have no clue she hadn’t handed them in.) And she forfeited points in Ceramics because she lost all the notes she was supposed to turn in. NOW will you let me help you organize your stuff? Remember that cute binder I bought you? And the folders? And the little notebook for writing down your assignments?

Speaking of developing organizational skills, I wanted to spend time with Martin, but he wanted to have a sorting YuGiOh cards day. He’s listening to Wolf Brother for the sixth time. He wants to remember every word of this book. Is there anything better, in childhood, than falling deeply, insanely in love with a book?

He also went to music, hung out with his friend ScoutLover, and played a fantasy role-playing game with with his dad.

Missy played with this activity which I’d made, using a WalMart drawer organizer.

She’s also been playing at Starfall.

We did a Unit on Feathers for Lunch. For each of the common birds shown in the picture book, we looked at photos and listened to their sounds through the Cornell Lab of Ornithology Bird Guide. While we were doing this, we watched birds coming to our feeder outside the playroom window. Two of the birds in our story were a house wren and a house sparrow. Two house wrens and a house sparrow were kind enough to visit our suet feeder at just the opportune time. The house wrens were eating like truckers. We looked at a couple of maps showing where the birds are found, and it appeared that we’re on their migration route. So we figured they were tired and hungry from their trip!

We also read:

The Robins in Your Backyard by Nancy Carol Willis (This is a lovely living nature book!

Beaks by Sneed B. Collard, illus. by Robin Brickman (This is an excellent book which explores the functions of different kinds of beaks and touches lightly on natural selection and evolution. It was a little long and complex for Missy, but she easily grasped the central point, that the structure of a bird’s beak is related to what it eats and how).

Martin, Missy and I also played Concentration with the arctic animals cards I’d made; Marty pointed out the various animals that had appeared in Wolf Brother.

We also had family game night: we played Rat-a-Tat-Cat (which requires her to compare the numbers 0-9) and 10 Days in Europe. The older kids, Matt and I also played Apples to Apples Junior. If your kids have the gift of gab, and like to sling the bull (those are the monkeys’ specialties), it’s the most fun game EVER!

Marie is lobbying for permission to watch American Pie. I suppose I might as well let her. She’s 14. A year ago, she would’ve been too innocent, and a year from now she’ll surely be too mature for it (if she isn’t already). I honestly DO NOT get the appeal of that movie! I like a bit of naughty humor now and then as much as the next person, but that is WAY too much crude, stupid humor for any person to take in one sitting. It’s like two hours of adolescent penis jokes. And … err … my hubby loves that movie. Whatever. If Marie can stomach it, I’ll chalk it up to part of her education in pop culture.

It seems silly for me to keep posting learning notes — they don’t vary much, do they? Marie is still into movies, Marty loves Wolf Brother and video games. Missy is busy trying to be Reigning Queen of the Universe. Throw in some public school time, P.E., Music, a bit of drawing and a little RDI and there you have it. I can see my blog stats dropping with collective boredom. I need some new inspiration.

Marie has been busy with schoolwork, including a character sketch, which she’s writing in the form of a screenplay. (Writing)  She just received some new collections of movie reviews that I bought her:

5001 Nights at the Movies by Pauline Kael, I HATE HATE HATE this Movie and Your Movie SUCKS by Roger Ebert. She’s been spending a LOT of time perusing those. (Hat tip to Franny, Who’s official title in the family is “Dad’s … umm … girlfriend,” who turned me on to Pauline Kael.)

She and I played Art Memo and Rat-a-Tat-Cat. We watched Thirteen together — it looked like a pretty raw, disturbing movie, so I decided if Marie was going to watch it, we should see it together. Interesting film. Holly Hunter, Evan Rachel Wood, and Nikki Reed were terrific — at one point, I even cried a little. It opened the door to a bit of discussion, between Marie and me, about addictions and 12-step programs. We also watched The Tic Code — Chris Marquette, the child actor who starred in The Tic Code, was amazing. The movie itself felt a little formulaic to me, but well done. For any parent of a gifted kiddo with special needs, who has stood against the forces that would carve him up and force him into a niche of normalcy, it’ll be hard to resist. Hat Tip to Kyra who clued me into that one. (Film Studies, Psychology)

Marie’s RDI consultant and I decided to start working on objectives for stage 2, which includes a lot of “Broadband Communication,” using and understanding gestures, facial expressions, and tone of voice as well as words.

Martin and I finished Wolf Brother, and did some drawing. Now he wants to share Wolf Brother with his dad, so they’re listening together. This makes Marty’s fifth time reading this book. (Literature, Art) He’s also read several short books about trucks, and told me a few facts he’d learned. He told me many pick-up trucks were produced and sold cheaply during the Depression to save the struggling car industry from going under. Hence the popularity of pick-up trucks. (History)

He played some video games, and he had a playdate with ScoutLover. He and I played Rat a Tat Cat and 10 Days in Europe. (Geography) He also worked a bit on his Radical Unschooling page (Writing).

Missy has suddenly and unexplainably taken an interest in addition. She walks around saying “2 + 2 = 4,” “3 + 3 = 6,” and so forth. So we’ve been offering her a few addition resources. She’s taken a liking to Franklin’s Math, and today we played a dice game.

We also started a short unit on Feathers for Lunch — so it looks like we’ll be learning a bit about birds. She’s also doing her usual stuff, picture books, drawing, playing, and having very chatty imaginative plays with whatever figures are close at hand — small toys, games pieces, whatever.

Matt is still really sick, and we’ve both been sleeping a lot. He’ll have a few good days with the gastrointestinal stuff — some of which may actually be CAUSED by the antibiotics he’s on to treat the stomach problem — then he’ll have another setback. Ick!

Matt is feeling a little better this week. We all sat down and had a talk about unschooling (my hubby is skeptical of the concept) and about video game restrictions (hot topic in this house).

I pointed out to Matt that when he was in college, he made minimal effort unless he stumbled across a class that REALLY interested him. (He was a “C” student. However the one thing that took up his time besides … err … hanging out in bars, was working for the campus police department. It turned out to be a lot more relevant to his future than courses in Russian Literature or Art History.) I mentioned that … hey, surprise! … his kids are just like him. They don’t learn unless they are really interested. They need to find their own paths.

Understandably, Matt doesn’t feel his mediocre academic background is anything to aspire to. While no one gives a rat’s patootie, at this point in time, that I had a great GPA in college and grad school and he didn’t, he feels that I’m a much more well-rounded person than he is. I know more about literature and history and stuff. He doesn’t want our kids to miss the chance to be well-rounded, and he doesn’t want to condition them to stick with things that are comfortable and blow off the rest — like he did in college. I am paraphrasing, but that was the gist of it. A thought provoking question.

I told him I had some of the same questions. I also said I’d like him to read parts of Homeschooling Our Children, Unschooling Ourselves, where she talks about how her unschooled kids used their freedom to delve deeply into their passions.

Another point he raised was the importance of certain areas of general knowledge, like basic geography. Our kids can’t seem to place anything on a map. “Can we do general knowledge schooling?” he said.

Anyway, we’re continuing on this trajectory, and we’ll continue to talk and assess as we go along.

Video games. That’s a loaded issue around here. I’ve observed some unschooled kids whose parents don’t set restrictions on how much time they spend gaming, and it works fine. They seem to regulate themselves naturally, as many people who have access to as much food as they want, any time, moderate themselves — when they’re full, they’re full. They relate to electronic gaming the way I responded to T.V. when I was a kid. If I spent a whole Saturday morning watching cartoons, I started desperately craving the fresh air and turned off the tube. Then I wouldn’t be interested in television for days.

After a few years of OBSESSIVE gaming, as only an Aspergian child can be obsessive about something , Marie got to a point where limits were unnecessary. She likes to spend an afternoon on Sims once in a while, but mostly she’d rather be reading, watching movies, or hanging out talking. She likes video games just fine, but being in front of a screen isn’t Nirvana for her.

Martin, on the other hand, relates to electronic games the way his dad does. It’s an opiate. Matt can game all day long, then again in the evening if he doesn’t have to work. And Marty is equally obsessed with it. (I know — bad role modeling. I never said we DIDN’T suck as parents, did I?)

I have heard some radical unschoolers say that limits themselves breed this obsession. Until they can choose freely, and have been at it long enough to be sure the limits won’t return, they won’t regulate themselves. If something you really love is restricted, you gorge.

I can see that this is true for many kids. I have certainly seen PenguinLover, who as far as I know has never had limits enforced on his gaming, walk away from a game because the sun is shining, or Bionicles are calling, or he’s just had enough. (Now that he got a new XBox, I think that’s upset the balance a bit. But we all get wiggy over new toys. After he’s had it a while, his ardor will cool.  )

But there’s another side of the coin. For some, electronic games are an addictive drug. As with addiction to alcohol — and other things — there may be a genetic component. So this is a different story.

On the other hand, our “two hour limit rule,” wasn’t working. I felt like I was just conditioning Marty to obsess about his “game time,” then push the envelope and argue with me. (“Just one more race track!”) I wasn’t accomplishing what I REALLY wanted, which was to help him learn to set reasonable limits ON HIMSELF.

Well, we still haven’t resolved that dilemma. Maybe a bolt of wisdom will strike, eh? But in the meantime, we had a family discussion about this. I drew some inspiration from this article; I liked its balanced, collaborative approach. It didn’t come from the radical “video game limits are WRONG” angle, but it didn’t advocate parents settling for just unilaterally making rules.

I got to express all my concerns to the family, including Matt. It was something along these lines. “Martin, I need for you to have time and space in your life, without electronics, so you can think, and read, and just be. I also have a need for periods of quiet, without all the electronic noise in the house.” (This has always been an issue with me.) On the other hand, the system we have doesn’t seem to be working. Do you have any ideas?”

He made suggestions. Matt made suggestions. Marie put in her two cents. We talked; we negotiated. We finally decided that the hours before 3:00 p.m. will be electronics-free time. No games, no computer, no movies or T.V. Obviously, you can do a LOT of gaming after 3:00 p.m. (even given the fact that we have family time at dinner and other stuff going on), which makes my mom-heart race with anxiety. *LOL* But it gets us out of clock-watching and setting timers, and it sets limits. It’s a compromise I think we can live with.

The best thing that came out of this is that Matt and I are modulating ourselves better too. He’s pretty much quit gaming before 3:00 too, and he’s spending the time playing board games and doing other stuff with the kids. BIG change. I am paying more attention to my computer time. I am not a gamer, and I spend most of my on-line time working for money. However, I hadn’t really noticed how much time I fritter away on blogs and stuff, and how much it costs in terms of undivided attention for the kids. (Of course Marty is doing just what I thought he’d do — watching the clock, waiting for 3:00, like an alcoholic waiting for his first drink.)

Well, I haven’t made it to Oz and had all my wishes granted, but it’s a start. And when Spring comes, Marty will be playing soccer in the evenings, and we can get out and hike and stuff.

Learning Notes for the Last Few Days:

Marie wrote another movie review and continued reading Leonard Maltin reviews. She’s been busy with school, which has included an essay on conflict in The Diary of Anne Frank and a classroom game of Pictionary using characters from To Kill a Mockingbird. She and I also walked for about half an hour on the track.

Martin went to P.E., played some Halo with PenguinLover (which I think involves some map skills?)

We played “I’m a New Animal.” (Are you a verterbrate? A mammal? An ungulate? Do you live in Africa?)

Today he made a point of reading several short library books in front of me, and he announced: “This unschooling thing is really working!” (Where’s the rolling eyes icon when I need it?) He’s been reading about trucks.

He and his dad played Risk, Rat-a-Tat-Cat, and Punch Line. They also played a Fantasy RPG.

Missy played Art Memo with her Dad, listened to stories, went to Spanish, and played with friends.