After homeschooling for about five years, we recently became novice unschoolers. We don’t resemble any unschoolers I’ve ever seen in captivity (even out here on the outer edge of normalcy.) My older daughter attends public school part-time. I reluctantly supported this decision. And of course, as usual, she was wise about knowing what was best for herself. She’s happy with it. Recently a boy in her Ceramics class asked her what she did during the periods she didn’t attend school. She said something like this: “I unschool — I do what I want and basically teach myself.”
My middle child embraces “radical” unschooling, and he’s working with me on my resistance to electronic entertainment. 
We’re trying to find a balance that fulfills his need for gaming and my need for periods of quiet space in our lives.
My youngest wants me to present her with a curriculum. I’ve found some flexible literature studies and a bit of Montessori, along with plenty of picture books and games, keep her somewhat satiated. Not that she really NEEDS my guidance, her rich imagination and drive to learn keep her busy. But we’re both having fun with it! And I’m getting my chance to get stuff like unit studies, canned activities and notebooking out of my system!
I don’t consider public school, canned activities, notebooks, or curricula to be “anti-unschooling.” I figure they’re just resources like anything else. The sea change, for me, is letting go of my own roadmap and trusting their innate ability to seek out, experience, or ask for what they need. (I used to think Marie wanted to go to school because she distrusted homeschooling and the natural learning process, but I don’t feel that way anymore.)
I like what Joyce Fetteroll wrote here:
So if I pull together a unit study when he shows an interest and lead the learning is this still unschooling?
The short answer would be if the child can say “No thanks, I’d rather go watch TV” and you be perfectly okay with that then it’s unschooling.
The longer answer would be that in an unschooling home where the child and mom are both confident that learning from life is best, some formal bit of learning might be fun. But since you’re unsure that unschooling will work, doing a unit won’t help you or your son feel more confident. It will be dangling your feet in the water and calling it swimming.
As part of my education, I joined the Unschooling Basics Yahoo Group. I stumbled upon this terrific blog: Organic Learning, and I thought this meme looked fun.
Even though this “interview the kids” meme is just for laughs, I had strong reactions to the results. I’ll discuss those at the end.
1. What is something your mom always says to you?
Marie (age 14): Marie that’s really bent; don’t watch that. (She’s referring to disturbing movies.)
Martin (age 10): Time to do your things! (Meaning time to feed the dogs and get ready for bed.)
Missy (age 5): Don’t play electronics before 3:00.
2. What makes your mom happy?
Marie: When Missy really enjoys “school.”
Martin: Not doing electronics much and not cursing. — I challenged him on this. O.K., I’ll admit to having issues with long hours of video gaming — I’ve been challenging myself on this, and not coming up with any easy answers. But since when have I ever really minded cussing? — Well, that’s something that makes most moms happy, he said. What about me? Well, don’t think you’d want ME running around saying F–k, would you? Hmm. I suppose not. 
Missy: When you get your mom things she doesn’t want to get herself.
3. What makes your mom sad?
Marie: When you read some depressing story in the paper where a kid gets shot, somebody kills themselves, or a kid gets raped.
Martin: When we get upset and we start yelling at you.
Missy: If she can’t exactly cook something that she wants to cook. (See Marie’s answer to #12. *LOL!*)
4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Marie: I don’t remember. (Come on! I’m a hilarious gal!)
Martin: I can’t really explain it, but you do make me laugh a lot sometimes … When I make a joke and she alters it a little bit to make it more funny.
Missy: Saying something silly.
5. What did your mom like to do when she was a child? (She was a child? Really? What DID kids do int he stone age, anyway?)
Marie: She liked to read.
Martin: What DID you like to do? You’ve never really talked about your childhood. Maybe sometime we should get out your old scrapbooks and look at them together.
Missy: Probably read.
6. How old is your mom? (My actual age is 29 )
Marie: 42
Martin: 41
Missy: 42
7. How tall is your mom?
Marie — 5′8″ (this is true)
Martin — I think you’re around 5 foot 5 or something … pretty tall … actually I think you’re 5 foot 2.
Missy — probably 5′8″ (I heard Marie say it)
8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Marie: Do stuff on the computer.
Martin: I think one of your favorite things to do is to hang out with us and play card games and board games and stuff.
Missy: Work on her papers and read.
9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
Marie: Work on the computer
Martin: I’m not really sure … plays with my Hotwheels?
Missy: Work on papers.
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Marie: Writing a mystery novel (Well, you read enough of them!)
Martin: Most papers graded in a week — like you graded 100,000 papers in a week — because you’re always on the computer doing papers, so I can see how you’d get a world record. It’s actually tiring even watching you.
Missy: Reading novels.
11. What is your mom really good at?
Marie: She’s really good at reading
Martin: Grading papers. She’s really good at keeping me off too many video games, controlling me when I play video games, and making sure we don’t watch too bad movies. You’re always patrolling us
Missy: Cooking
12. What is your mom not very good at?
Marie: Cooking
Martin: I don’t know
Missy: Reaching clouds. If you wanted to reach a cloud to see what it looked like, you’d have to get a long, long rope to do it.
13. What does your mom do for her job?
Marie: She grades students papers online
Martin: Grade papers
Missy: Work on papers
14. What is your mom’s favorite food?
Marie: She likes Mexican food.
Martin: Stuff like quiche.
Missy: Probably Mexican.
15. What makes you proud of your mom?
Marie: She works really hard, like cleaning the house and grading papers and stuff.
Martin: Instead of making us go into public school, which would have been so much worse than this homeschooling thing, you put all this work into homeschooling, and I really appreciate this. And you’ve hsed us for years
Missy: When she does “school” with me.
16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Marie: I don’t know.
Martin: I don’t know. I don’t watch that many cartoons
Missy: Scooby Doo (Why? just because.)
17. What do you and your mom do together?
Marie: Read.
Martin: We play lots of board games and card games together, and we listen to an audiobook and draw together.
Missy: We sometimes play games together.
18. How are you and your mom the same?
Marie: We both keep a blog.
Martin: We look pretty similar in facial features; we’re both able to cry more easily than the rest of the family.
Missy: We are not really the same … well … we both kind of have light blue eyes.
19. How are you and your mom different?
Marie: We have different taste in movies.
Martin: You don’t really like the electronic things. You don’t play video games, and you don’t do half the same things I do. Maybe it’s because you’re a grown-up.
Missy: ‘Cause we don’t have the same colored hair
20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Marie: She tries to be really, really tolerant even when I act weird. (“Tolerant?” There’s something heartbreaking about that word. It implies that Marie’s differences are something to be endured. 
Not so, kiddo.)
Martin: I know because you say it all the time to me, and I know you really mean it, and you hug me and everything else. I really know that you love me. I can just tell.
Missy: Because she sometimes kisses me and hugs me
21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
Marie: She likes him for his body.
Martin: I know you really love him — I don’t know
Missy: Well, I’m sure she loves him … I don’t know.
22. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
Marie: She wants to go to Italy sometime, but right now she generally goes to the library
Martin: I think you really, really like going to Applebees.
Missy: I don’t know.
The picture of the mom that emerges here — the writing tutor, chief cook and bottle-washer, and electronics Nazi is pretty one-dimensional. This makes me laugh. It seems so reflective of childhood. Often, only when we become adolescents and adults do our parents begin to assume human form. I was lucky that my mom lived long enough for me to get to know her as a person. 
At the same time, this makes me sad. Shouldn’t a home schooling mom, above all, be a model of living joyfully, always immersed in experiencing and learning? What happened to the person who had her own passions to pursue? The one who did something besides “patrolling” the kids, working, and cooking bad food. Why does own life seem so anemic?
I like reading about other unschooling moms who are mindful about nurturing their own passions and creativity. Similarly, Charlotte Mason homeschoolers often talk about mother culture.
Charlotte tells us we would have happier households if we mothers “would only have courage to let everything go when life becomes too tense, and just take a day, or a half a day, out in the fields, or with a favorite book, or in a picture gallery. . .” For a mother to allow herself a bit of leisure to rest and refresh herself by exploring her own interests, to find a little time for herself, especially when so many others depend on her, is a what Karen (Andreola) calls, “Mother Culture.”
Do you struggle with this in your journey?
Filed under: Unschooling
Out of the mouths of babes… this is too funny!!! I loved Martin’s answer about what you do when he’s not around… you play with his Hotwheels ha ha ha.
I love the one about the world record for grading the most papers in a day.
But I get a picture of a really involved mom, doing great things with her kids. Though as you say, maybe not pursuing her own passions, unless you are the one person in teh world who actually likes grading papers.
So maybe that is your next unschooling step. Figureing out what you want to do for you and finding some time to do it. We’re here cheering you on.
First, I don’t think you would ever find unschoolers in captivity. I believe that’s the whole point of unschooling.
Second, love the responses. Your kids are very funny! I may have to do that interview. I’m just a little shocked and appalled that your kids can’t think of a cartoon character to compare you to.
I also love how the girls had the same answers for some things. I could see that happening with Sierra and Marina!
Peace and Laughter!
I just did that meme yesterday. I added the interview questions about their dad too.
I sometimes wistfully remember CM’s words on taking a day off, but then I remember that CM was writing to women who had nurses and maids and cooks and butlers. And I sigh. And I go back to the grind, ’cause if I don’t, we sink fast.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I was recently talking with a friend at lunch, discussing that our children seem to have perceptions of us and often present us as people we aren’t to others , simply because they are too wrapped up in themselves to notice us! This is a great exercise!!!